How many of you have had a past relationship that you were in and you thought it was a good relationship. There was nothing on the surface that would have led you to believe otherwise. Then out of the blue you wake up and it seems as if all of that time was a dream because it is now over. I can tell you I have been there before. He was gone so fast he sent my head spinning wondering what happened. In my opinion this type of breakup is more hurtful than talking your way out of a relationship. I say this because questions were left unanswered which forces you to come to a conclusion of what happened on your own.

     Coming to a conclusion in this type of situation is a long process. You keep going back and forth in your head thinking of what it is that you did wrong. You may not have done anything wrong but something failed, something did not work and you need to know what it is. When something does not work and it isn’t working on our clock then it is normal to try to figure out why.  You get pushed into playing a little CSI , trying to dissect what just happened. You spend countless hours at during the day, and at night thinking things through only to keep running into the same wall of nothing.

     How could he force you into a state of being lonely? How could he just disappear without warning? There are a lot of how could he’s going through your head. Just know that you will never really understanding how he could have done it. You will never know the answer, there is only one person can give you the answer you need as to what happened. You play over and over in your head what that moment will look like if you were to ever see him again. But until you see him again you want to capture that moment and what you will say. I would suggest you write down the questions you want to ask or if there is something you want to say to him, write that down as well. It could look something like this:

Dear:

I am sitting here going back and forth in my mind trying to figure out what happened. I am trying to retrack the relationship to see if it were a fault of my own. The funny thing is I can not think of anything that I did knowingly. It would be nice if you were here to help me solve this mystery, however you are not. You made a non negotiable decision to end this relationship.

I always wondered what I would do or say when and if I ever saw you again. The truth of the matter is I don’t know what to say. I do not even have the words to waste on you. You did not even respect me enough to come and talk to me as an adult to see if it was something that we could have worked out. You left me in limbo and I do not appreciate it at all. You left me to pick up the pieces of my broken heart and somehow find a way to move on.  So here I sit once again by myself.

As I sit here and write you these words, I cannot end this letter without saying “THANK YOU.”  I want to say thank you for not wasting anymore of my time, for showing me the coward side of you. I want to thank you for moving out of the way for the man that was meant for me. I want to thank you for saving me  of the pain and the hurts that may have come with you. For these things I say thank you. I want you to know that yes I am hurt but this experience has taught me a valuable lesson. You taught me how to be stronger than I was before, you taught me that no matter how good something maybe going, not to get too comfortable too soon. I will take these lessons with me to use in the future.  So again….THANK YOU.

Signed,
Me

     I would encourage you to write your letter to him. If you never see him again at least you have your thoughts on paper and it is not bottled up inside you. If it is a lot you want to say I would say get a journal  and start to record your thoughts in it.

Until next time,

Coach Kim